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Why You Should Learn To Love Yourself First

By Remy Meraz May 20, 2022

The mastery of love: learn to love yourself
The mastery of love: heart shape with hands

Love yourself like your life depends on it! It is one of the most demanding yet most rewarding things you will ever do for yourself in your entire life.

Most people tend to think of true love as an emotion that focuses on other people. But self-love is so important and just as crucial to living a happy and fulfilled life. The trick, however, is to know how to love yourself FIRST, before friends and family, and everyone else.

What is self-love?

Self-love is not an emotion but a constant state of being and a sign of emotional maturity and personal development. Loving yourself shows you appreciate who you are, and you know and understand your happiness is of the utmost importance. It is also a realistic evaluation of your worth and potential and owning your journey to self-improvement.

It is the ability to accept yourself and love yourself regardless of how you look or act. It's the ability to permit yourself to be you, unapologetically. It allows you to set boundaries.

Whether you are thick or thin, blonde or brunette, Asian or White, Black or Hispanic, or from a big city or small town, learning to love yourself should go hand in hand with your self-worth, self-esteem, and ability to be happy.

How to develop self-love

The mastery of love: Asian Woman shows how to learn to love yourself

Self-love is not a destination; it's a continuous process that takes time and effort. This is particularly true in this era of constant social media exposure. Although it may feel uncomfortable at first, don't lose hope; it is essential to treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect.

Practicing self-love starts with self-acceptance and self-respect. These two acts are the most basic forms of self-love we possess. Practicing these two requires an honest appraisal of your strengths and weaknesses, understanding your fears and overcoming them, and taking responsibility for your actions.

Love yourself like your life depends on it! You can start by committing to the following daily practices:

  • Do your inner work. Go deep. Work on accepting yourself and your flaws, and loving yourself for who you are vs. who you want to be.

  • Say affirmations out loud multiple times throughout the day. A fun exercise is to come up with an adjective for every letter of the alphabet. i.e., I am Assertive, I am Beautiful, I am Confident, and I prioritize my self-love journey because I am worthy.

  • Don't forget to Practice Gratitude! List 20 things you are thankful for in your life. Bonus tip, do this while exercising and you will get a double shot on endorphins.

  • Do what you love. Whether reading, cooking, being outdoors, or playing sports, participate in activities that make you feel good.

  • Be forgiving. Forgive yourself and others for mistakes or wrongdoings. Most importantly, if you catch yourself judging others, put your hand over your heart and forgive yourself for doing so.

  • The company you keep is the energy you keep. Make it a point to surround yourself with like-minded people whom you feel comfortable being you, and also inspire you to elevate to your highest and best version of yourself.

  • Avoid self-doubt or comparing yourself to others; we are all unique with individual strengths and weaknesses.

Life coaching could also be an invaluable tool along your personal growth journey. If you're enjoying this self-love blog, check out our Life and career coaching: FAQs for more on the topic.

If you're looking for more book recommendations, don't forget to read our Top 10 Shadow Work Books to Help You Heal.

To explore this concept further, you can check out the full blog post on Zella Life for a deeper understanding of how your shadow self can impact your life.

If you're interested in learning more about personal growth and self-discovery, check out our post on male midlife crisis stages and how to navigate each stage with grace and self-love.

Self-love leads to healthier relationships

The mastery of love: learn to love yourself

Self-Love, self-care, and good mental health are vital to attracting and having a healthy, loving relationship. When we love ourselves, it becomes easier to allow others to love us and enjoy the feeling of being loved in return. When we are insecure, dislike ourselves, and dwell on other negative feelings instead, it's difficult for us to know how to accept and appreciate another person's positive feelings for us.

Working on our personal development and self-love journey makes it easier to be kind, patient, and respectful with others. When we are happy with ourselves and confident in who we are (flaws and all), it becomes easier to see the world for what it is – a place full of beautiful people worthy of our love and kindness.

When we love ourselves first, we can take care of our own needs without relying on others for happiness or fulfillment. We can meet our own emotional needs without someone else having to do it for us. And that makes us a better family member, who can actively contribute to the family and is always open to life-loving experiences.

Self-love inspiration allows us to recognize that despite what some relationships might be like, no one person is responsible for making us feel a certain way or happy all the time. This allows us to be more honest with ourselves about unhealthy relationships. Self-love teaches us how to let go of someone and walk away from a person we loved when the relationship is unhealthy and no longer serving us.

Read more about the socio-sexual hierarchy and its impact on human social dynamics.

The takeaways: you have to love yourself first

Can we learn to love again? Falling in love with oneself means committing to honoring your needs and desires to practice self-care physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Doing so creates more happiness and expanded the capacity to love and support others.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. Loving yourself is a lifelong process. It's a continuous journey marked by shifts and changes along the way. The more you practice self-love, the more natural it will become. Standing in the power of self-love elevates you to the highest frequency to attract everything you want.

In his best-selling book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It, Kamal Ravikant provides great insights on this topic and how loving himself saved him and his career. For more self-love inspiration about the topic, check out our self-love blog, and let us know if you want us to blog about loving yourself more.


About the author: Remy Meraz is the co-founder and CEO of Zella Life, a coaching platform bridging the diversity gap to help professionals of color to grow and thrive.

Read more about: Healthy Relationships, Life Coaching

About Remy Meraz

Remy Meraz, co-founder, and CEO of Zella Life, is a visionary leader who leveraged corporate glass ceiling challenges as a woman of color to drive systemic change.

While leading and cultivating high-performance teams from VC-backed startups to Fortune 500, she consistently faced obstacles such as inadequate mentorship, lack of psychological safety, and non-personalized training. Taking matters into her own hands, she turned to executive coaching and NLP training. This life-changing growth experience led to breaking leadership barriers and a passion for cognitive psychology.

Motivated by her experiences, she co-founded Zella Life, an innovative AI-driven coaching platform bridging the talent development gap by enhancing soft skills and emotional intelligence (EQ) in the workplace.

Her vision with Zella Life is to transform professional development into an inclusive and impactful journey, focused on the distinct needs of both individuals and organizations. She aims to promote advancement and culture change by ensuring every professional's growth is acknowledged and supported.

Today, Remy is recognized as an influential innovator, trainer, mentor, and business leader. Under her leadership, Zella Life has delivered significant measurable outcomes for numerous well-known brands. This track record of positive outcomes garnered attention and funding from Google for Startups and Pledge LA, establishing Zella Life as a pivotal force in the learning and development arena tackling and resolving fundamental talent development issues for organizations of all sizes.

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